TWW #4

Here we are again! So we’re doing the TWW after what seemed to be a well-timed insemination (one 18mm follicle with trigger 36 hours later). Wife has been struggling with a thin lining (not on clomid) and we cancelled last cycle because it was under 4…this cycle we started tamoxifen which can have a thickening effect on the lining and did a whole regimen of herbs and pomegranate juice and tea and baby aspirin. Lining got almost to a 6….still on the thin side so I am feeling a little pessimistic but trying to be optimistic for wife. Our doctors seem pretty unconcerned which is a little frustrating. We have 2 tries after this before we figure out how to afford IVF and I’m trying not to see this as a foregone conclusion. I would love for this just to work out this cycle. It would be SO nice for it just to work out in an easier and less expensive manner…but I don’t know if that’s how we roll 😂😭 I guess that’s when we just wait and see!

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Probably out

Wife’s AF hasn’t showed up, but it’s due sometime today and we’ve had all negative tests so far. Still of course holding onto the thread of hope that we could have a late bloomer or something. But we’ve already been into the doc to get ultrasound cycle-monitoring and ovidrel for next cycle.

So 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

3rd IUI

3rd time’s a charm? We’ll see. Insemination was a little stressful. Our nurse, who we typically love, seemed a little doubting of the wife’s timing, though with Femara, I know I ovulated early and the doc said this was likely. Wife also had great CM. She did have pretty bad “reflux” when we injected the sperm and I worry that none of it got in…ugh. But yeah. I think our timing was great. So staying positive. I have felt really hopeful this time around but am trying to be less optimistic? If that makes any sense.

TWW aaaaand go.

No temp shift?

Wife has been temping this month and we are noticing that she hasn’t had any kind of thermal shift. Her temps are basically a straight line…cue panic and furious googling of “affordable IVF” as if there is such a thing. 

I am just feeling like I can’t do months of IUI again…months of negative pregnancy tests. Months of TWW…

We have zero fertility coverage, but have some $$ from a settlement after wife’s bike accident. We would also be willing to take out a small loan. Considering I would like to carry again, I am leaning heavily towards throwing the towel in on this IUI thing and getting down to business with some IVF. 

Anyone have positive/affordable experiences in the Midwest? 

IUI #2

We had a somewhat surprising/early positive LH surge on day 11 (yesterday) around 3pm so called in before the 3:30 deadline for an insemination the next day (today). T also had a nice dip in temperature this morning. Our favorite nurse, Lois, did the insemination today and met our little one who was conceived in the same clinic and came along with us. It was definitely a family affair! 

Sunday is kind of fun at the clinic. It’s basically closed-down and we were the only people there. Our kiddo was very curious about why her mama was laying on the exam table and snuggled up with her after insemination during the 15 minute lie down.

She inexplicably sang “happy birthday” all morning, which neither of us taught her. We definitely took that as a good sign 😁 Hoping for a little brother or sister soon for this kiddo. 

1 down…

We’re not pregnant. We decided to test 10dpo (I got my first faint positive with our daughter on that day) and it was negative. Commence the mind-fuck that is the 4 days until period starts. We held it together very well, but both admitted that we were hanging onto a shred of hope until her period started today. Ah well. 

It was weird and a little activating to stare at a negative pregnancy test again. This time not for my own body, but my own baby and wife nevertheless. My heart still raced as we waited the requisite five for the test to marinate. And we both took turns squinting and holding it to different lights.

I am definitely wary of falling down the all consuming rabbit hole that was our very own baby making hell. I hated trying to get pregnant. It sucked. Fortunately, I loved being pregnant and being a mom is the most rewarding/amazing/beautiful/fulfilling thing I’ve ever done. So. I know it’s worth it. Getting there was just really hard. And maybe therein lies my reticence. It’s difficult for me to get excited about this process. Because as much as I try to wrap my head around being positive and laid back and go with the flow, it’s scary, and I am having trouble getting past that. 

Insemination #2 in t-minus 2 weeks. 🤞🏼