Graduating and jobs and mommyhood, oh my! 

I haven’t blogged in quite some time and was looking through my most recent entries. I wrote a post on baby girl going to daycare as I started an internship, and the anxiety I felt over that transition. Now graduation is quickly approaching and that old anxiety is rearing its ugly head. I don’t have a job yet and that is really weird and hard and I have not been in this position…like, ever. I’ve basically been employed on some level since age 14 and was employed in my field for 5 years before returning to school. 

I had initially really rejected the idea of returning to my old stomping grounds. I left pretty burnt out and pretty sure I did not want to do that particular kind of work again. So, I did my internship in a completely different mileu and, while it was educational, it made me realize how much I would like to go back to my old employer (now with higher credentials and higher pay). 

So I wait. Basically, my old employer is contracting with a new high school in town. The new contract includes a school schedule (hours, vacation, and summers off!) I am beyond interested. This seems to be the closest I can currently get to the work/home balance I really need. Plus, I would receive free supervision for my post-grad independent licensure with a supervisor I totally love. And working with teens is my jam. I have the most experience and comfort with this type of work. 

It really feels within reach but also so perfect that I am worried it won’t happen. I am basically just really worried. There are so many unknowns right now and I’m applying to other places but in a completely half-hearted way. 

I am worried we are going to go broke. I am worried that I am going to have to take a job with shitty hours in a shitty location. And mostly, I am worried that I won’t get to be a mom in the way that I want to be. I don’t want to send my little to daycare 40 or 50 hours a week. I was in daycare that much and a f-ing hated it. That’s not to say that daycare is bad or that she doesn’t enjoy it, but I really want to have a balance that allows her to be with me or T a couple of weekdays as well…or all summer 🙂

My anxiety regarding starting part-time  daycare proved to be unfounded. I am really hoping that this will all be water under the bridge soon. 

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One thought on “Graduating and jobs and mommyhood, oh my! 

  1. lovemakesafamily632

    I don’t know if you are planning to continue with your blog, but I’ve just discovered it and I saw your most recent post. I totally know how you feel re: being in school/unemployed. I’ve just started back at University and since I was about 14 I’ve always worked so it’s the first time I haven’t fully contributed to our finances. We are hanging fire on TTC until I’m nearly done/nearly employed for this reason but both my wife and I are desperate for a baby. I’m going to start my own blog even though there’s a while till we’ll have a baby I still have lots of feelings to process. Anyway it was good to stumble on your blog and hope the job search has gone well!
    Ellie

    Liked by 1 person

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